Sunt ceea ce gândesc

I'm comin home now, sorrow. I can not be more sad to come to you, I didn't miss you at all. I will never miss you, I don't know how to be OK, sorrow. I'd like to tell you that I can manage, but I would be lying to you.

I am surrounded by beauty, peace, silence, but I can only think of you, my sorrow. How I raised you like a child in my womb, how I fed you with my imagination. I can feel your presence everywhere I go, my moon and my stars are with me tonight and I wish I can tell you that it's easier. It's not. It only makes it harder because the space is so much bigger and I am more alone with you, my sorrow. I can't live with you, I'd wish you'd go away. I am starting to think that I should be asking something more simple to God, at night, when I pray. And I do pray, every night. I wish for 3 things and wish that the first 2 are taken more into His consideration, although the third one is more... not more important. It's just what I crave for, but I also can't include the third wish into His consideration because I'm afraid He'll think I'm greedy and take the first 2 away.

I'm starting to fear you, sorrow. You make me not think, not eat, not live. I can't not-live like this anymore and I don't know... I absolutely have no idea what to do to give you away. How can I get rid of you when you're constantly at my door's head? Or better said, at my door's heart.

God's plan for me... I respect, but somehow I don't respect you, sorrow. I am grateful for what I have, but not for you. I don't want or need you, I just... want you... to disappear. Because you make me think I want myself to disappear and that's not really fair. I... was not the one who planned to fall in love. I am just the fool who didn't have the strenght to opose it, to fight it off, because I didn't know it's bad for me. Now I know, I'll never fall again, sorrow. I promise you that, now can you please go?

p.s. please don't say anything about my spelling or grammar mistakes if you find any, it's got nothing to do with it :)